On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
