you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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