Im at strip club and am horny
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
