I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
