He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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