She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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