The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
