But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
