Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
