and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
