i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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