false alarm. still invincible.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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