At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize