so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
