I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
