plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
