I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
