Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
