I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize