Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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