That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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