Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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