Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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