he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
