I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
worst night to have a conscience
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
