Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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