omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize