You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
