So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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