i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
