She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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