im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
