She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im part way to drunk.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
