Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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