I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
