my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Houston, we have a squirter
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
