Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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