i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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