Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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