I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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