There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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