I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
