3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
