I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
