Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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