I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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