party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
