Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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