It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
