You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
