home. puking in laundry basket.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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