im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
