I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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