Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
