i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
