I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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