"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
