cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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