She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
pop tarts are not kleenex
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
