Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
