After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
