I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
where are you?
Hypothermia
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
