Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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